Hope maketh not ashamed!
How is it, that I spent 28 years of my life fighting against the Spirit of Love. Resisting, what I know now to be joy and peace in the Holy Ghost and the hope of Life Eternal! I will begin the story when I was roughly at the tender age of 24. I had met the wife of my dreams, I owned my first house( brand new), worked for a top 10 company in my area, had plenty of friends and I simply felt like I was living the dream. I will not melt your ears with the horrible details of how dark my life really was, but simply put, I was up to my eye balls in sin. As a young boy I some times went to a baptist church, and there I was baptized at the age of 14 or so. I had been informed about hell and I knew I wanted no part of that. I don't remember anyone talking to me about the operation of salvation at all, only that I should attend church regularly.
My many years in this type of religion only taught me how to perform well as a hypocrite. I truly learned nothing about the bible or the Holy Spirit of The Living God. As I grew older I realized that I was not fooling anyone, especially God so I gradually pulled out of organized religion and found my gratification in being a regular ordinary sinner. Since most of my great sins were in the closet, by most men's standards I was a pretty good guy and most people desired my company. At my work place, we worked an assembly line, putting product on a line that would extend into a truck to be shipped. There were several different truck companies that would get these orders, and one of the companies had a black man ( Br Franklin ) who came in daily to pick up orders. There seemed to be something different about him, he was always happy and shinning, always had a bible in his pocket and he never stopped talking about Jesus and The Kingdom of Heaven. Even though his boss was never at our work place, he always worked hard and took the time to make sure that the work was done right! He developed a system for shipping our product that saved our company money and because of this our company gave his company most all of there shipments. The way the job operated, was that there were 3 employees and we rotated positions from the line to inside the truck helping the truck driver stack inside the trailer. I remember when Franklin's truck pulled up nobody wanted to rotate to the truck, because they knew he would spend the whole time talking about the Bible. It never failed, it was always my turn for the truck!! He was different from most, in that he took everyday life and could apply bible council for any and every situation. He would always listen to me and all of the foolishness I had to talk about and like a magician he would cunningly turn it into a story about Eternal Life. He never tried to push anything, he seemed to simply share a great hope that he had for Eternal Life. He would always ask me have you read this or that in the Bible, I was ashamed to tell him I did not have a Bible and also had never read the bible, so I would just reply no, I don't think so. I think he must have known, because one day he brought me a bible. At this time in my life I truly had no desire to read it, so I took it home and filed it in a drawer. As time went by I could feel myself somewhat evaluating my life but I was not sure of why. I had a close friend (curtis), who was a lead man at my work, he Also witnessed Franklin and got more than his ears filled. One day he shows up for work glowing, eyes shinning and reading a Bible. I was somewhat scared and made it a point not to talk to him. He had quit hanging out with us and spent his every moment in the Bible. One night as I was leaving the house around 9 pm as I usually did to go join the friends of darkness, I had a huge feeling of guilt poor over my soul, it was so overwhelming that I had to pull over. As I sat and wept, for the first time in my life, from the depths of my heart I cried out to God for help. I eventually shook it off and tried to forget about what happened. The next weekend I travelled with friends for a weekend hunt about 3 hours from home deep south in ms. to a deer camp, I had mucho problems and upon arriving my truck broke down. I spent the entire weekend repairing my truck while everyone else hunted, and while I was under my truck covered in grease one of the older men at camp hollered out to me: "boy you must not be living right!" Truth be told, I knew he was right, but it made me very angry, and I gave him a very ugly stare! For a couple of weeks it seemed that everything I touched broke and all that I tried to accomplish was failing in a big way. Deep down I knew it was God putting the rod on me, but I kept fighting in vain. The seed I had been sowing all my life was springing up and I despised what I was seeing. The following week back at work my truck was still broke down, and I was forced to ask Curtis for a ride, he lived close by. As we rode to work he started telling me from the start what had happened to him and how God was working in his life. Then again on the way home he finished telling me his story, and as he was talking I felt an intoxicating feeling of chill bumps and joy pour out on me, it was so overwhelming I simply could not contain it. As he dropped me home, The feeling was so great that i went in the house and began to run from room to room jumping for joy, I had no idea what was happening, but I knew that such an awesome feeling must be from God and I knew that this feeling was exactly what everyone in the world, most of all myself was searching for! During this week I pulled out the Bible and began to read, unfortunately it seemed to be written in a language that I simply could not understand. I thought often about Franklin and I wanted to talk and tell him what was happening with me, but he had not been in to the work place in a couple of weeks. That weekend I went hunting with friends in Grenada ms., this trip was much different than others. I had packed my bible in my fanny pouch and I was planning to read during these hunts. On the first morning as soon as the sun came over the horizon, I quietly pulled out the bible and let it fall open. The place where I read was the 2nd. Ch. Of James, as I began to read all at once it was if the book came alive and a covering was taken from my eyes and I understood what I was reading. And like a bolt of lightning from the heavens, I was overcome once again with this enormous power of joy and excitement that was empowering my body. I wanted to get out of my stand and run through the woods leaping and shouting, but fearing I might get shot I opted to remain seated and rejoice. Athough I had not told my friends what had been happening in my life due to somewhat being ashamed, on this day I could not contain myself and I, looking like I had seen a ghost told them everything that had happened. I don't think I put much thought into how they might respond, but for the first time they looked at me as if they did not know me, keeping in mind these were guys I had known most of my life. One guy responded; do you think your gonna be ok? It was as if I had told them that I had a terminal disease and as much as I cherished there friendship, this would be the last hunt that they would desire to have my company. I truly had no idea of the journey that the Lord had placed upon my life. The lightning bolt that had struck upon me, lit a fire in my soul that would change me and everyone close to me! As the weeks passed this fire had became so great and I was experiencing a joy that I simply did not know was possible. The next week at work as my cup was over flowing, I saw Franklin walk in the door. I jumped from my forklift and ran and grabbed him and embraced him, at 100 miles per hour telling him what had happened over the last weeks! I may have startled him some, I'm pretty sure that he did not have many white people happy to see him, let alone hugging him during the work day! The Lord had made a way that he was going to be around my work place everyday for a couple of months. We spent break time and lunch periods reading the Bible, God blessed him to pour out all of his soul laboring to teach me the Scriptures one verse at a time. He explained to me that even though I was baptized young, I would still need to go down again. He showed me the scriptures where after God sent the spirit of repentance upon me, that going down in the name of Jesus Christ would be the only means of a cleansed and good conscience before God, that it was a spiritual movement of burying in death the old man and being raised to life in the likeness of christ. Although I was attending a baptist church at this time, I simply had little faith that this was where God wanted me. I had already been questioning there practices that were contrary to the bible and I was tagged being dogmatic. I asked Br. Frank if he would baptize me and he agreed, because he did not have a church building or baptism pool, we located a pond in the wilderness and the rest is history! After the baptism, I don't think I had ever felt so clean in all my life and the Holy Spirit was like fire upon my life over the next couple of weeks. The feeling was enormous and now that I understood what was happening, I responded with thanksgiving and praise to God whole heartedly. It became evident to me that Br. Frank was receiving as much or more joy than I was simply being a part of this most awesome transformation taking place in my life! As we read together, in not so many words he warned me of fiery trials and persecutions that all who entered to follow Jesus would most certainly encounter! They came a little sooner than I had hoped for, my wife had become very angry because I had stopped watching tv, I would not go to party type events and simply put she felt like she no longer knew who I was I was thinking the entire time that everyone who knew me was surely gonna be happy to find out the miracle God was performing in my life, but just the opposite was happening. Fasting came easy, I felt as though I was carrying the weight of the world. I could see so many things that I had been blinded to before and the more I learned the more I realized how little I truly understood about the Kingdom of God. I had so many trials coming at me, eating was not very appealing nor was the thought of relaxing and having a good time. In the blink of an eye, God had made me a new creature. My life would never be the same, thank you Lord Jesus! One day at work, I received word from my supervisor that the plant personel manager wanted to see me in his office. Under former circumstances I would have been wondering what I had done wrong, but deep in my heart I knew this was concerning the new hope God had given me. When I walked in I was a little nervous, but I had been meditating in the scriptures all morning and joy was filling my soul. He was a very nice man, very business like. He asked me to sit down and started by asking how I was and the normal social things which were masking the bigger questions. I simply replied; I thank God for the first time in my life, I feel like I am truly alive! He went on to tell me he had spoken with my supervisors and had received reports that my work ethics were better than they had ever been and they had nothing but good things to say. He then said that there were some individuals who were concerned about the drastic changes taking place in your life and they asked if I could talk with you. He says, if you don't mind could you share with me what's going on. The word of God was like fire shut up in my bones, and with this beautiful invitation I let the lord open the floodgate Gate and I told him every wit of the miracles and I took this golden opportunity to minister the word of God. After about 40 minutes of non- stop speaking he was certain that he had heard enough. He gave me the ok to return to work and I never heard from him again concerning this matter. The devil was coming at me in every direction, my wife was spending much of her time trying to persuade me from the faith. She had left a long letter on the table telling me in so many words that i would need to make a choice, her or the bible. The Lord had blessed Br. Frank to advise me to be patient with my wife and nourish her in love and this is what I labored for. One day she woke up covered in bumps all over her body. She went to the medical dr. But they did not know what it was. I sat down and talked with her and told her it was simply the Lord correcting her and that she needed to seek to stop fighting against him. I explained that there were no powers higher than that of God, and the work God had began he would complete with or without her consent. As soon as she stopped kicking, God removed the bumps and this became part of her testimony as he began to work in her life. With the magnitude of miracles God was performing in front of all who knew me, word spread fast around the work place. People who I had worked with for 8 or more years, whom I had no idea that they had any religion at all were coming out of the wood work to give me spiritual advice. I had baptist, Methodist, penecostal, presbyterian, 7 day avintas and jehovas witnesses. It was as if someone had made a call for these individuals to go to the attic and wipe the dust off there bibles and minister to me. I was not very sure about what they had, but I was very certain it had been buried until now! Br. Frank had shared with me that scripture," The Kingdom of Heaven is like unto a man throwing a net into the sea and bringing up all things, then sorting it and throwing back the bad and keeping the good." He told me that anything that concluded in love was what we wanted to store up as a treasure. His manner of speech when teaching me the scriptures always in summary concluded in Love and the Hope of Eternal Life through Jesus Christ. My entire life I had desired to feel good, and I can safely say I tried every means known to man kind and some that I invented own my own. When God began to pour his spirit upon me, I knew that this would most definitely make me whole and satisfy this deep cry from within. For the first time in my life I could see that the kingdom of heaven was not floating in the solar system somewhere, it was being constructed inside me and the scripture" the kingdom of heaven is at hand" had become a reality! I could see it, I could feel it and I could taste it and thank the Lord I wanted more! The Holy Ghost was heavy upon me and in short time the Lord had written the scriptures upon my heart, months before I had never read the bible and God had blessed me that I was quoting most of the new testament daily. Most people were telling me that God was doing a special work in me to make me a preacher, but based on my reading I was fully certain that what God was doing was exactly what he had done in the lives of all those who had come before. The major things that I spent my time doing prior to this was fishing and hunting and I spent so much time that I seldom saw my wife. Overnight it seemed God had given me a new passion, so I sold my boat, my four wheeler and my climbing deer stand and for the next couple of years devoted my time to seeking the Lord. After a while my wife had come to a place where she had accepted the work the Lord was doing in me and she had began coming to our bible studies. She really wanted to have children and we tried for over a year and it seemed that God was not willing. I sought council from the brethren and I told them of a mistake me and my wife had made in our youth. They told us that the mistake was on alison's conscience and she just simply needed to repent of her sins and be baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Strait way she followed the council, that was March 8, 1999 and Jacob was born Dec. 9, 1999.(Thank you Jesus). She and I both had jobs, she had a masters degree in education and was teaching school in the inner city of Memphis tn. and I was working for the drug company. In our 4 years of being married we had picked up a lot of debt and we totally lived from pay check to pay check. We knew it was the will of God for her to be at home with the child, but I made less than she did and if she quit her job the math did not add up. The lord had blessed me to enjoy landscaping and working outside at home, so I sought council from the elders of our assembly about starting a landscaping business. They told us that it really did not matter what kind of business we chose to do, as long as we were in the Lord he would bless it to work out. So trusting completely in the Lord, we both quit our jobs and started a landscaping business. My cry to God was that he would make a way for us to pay our bills with Alison guiding and raising our son at home, that was my only desire and we were prepared to make any necessary sacrifices. I remember giving my weeks notice to our personel manager and telling him of the plan that the Lord had given us. He looked at me for a moment and replied; are you sure you have thought this out, do you realize grass does not grow in the winter, what will you do for income then? He told me to make sure I thought this over well because I had a great job with a stable company who had been in business for over 40 years. I told him that we had sought council and we were seeking to trust the Lord to make it work.The Lord was more than faithful to hear our prayers, knowing nothing about running a business he blessed it to run perfectly and we never missed paying a bill. Over the next years he did even more, giving us some of the best employees we could ask for, which made a way for me to get out of the work field and be able to spend most all of my time laboring at home with my wife and the other 3 more children he had also blessed us with. We are so grateful to God as he has put a burning desire in our souls for Eternal Life and has blessed us that our only goal is to pass it on to our children and anyone else that God puts before us. He showed us so vividly that eternal life was not only the greatest thing, but the only thing and everything else was simply irrelevant. The foundation of the American dream we had spent most of our life building on had vanished into darkness in what seemed like a twinkling of an eye. Br frank had admonished me early in my walk with Christ that remaining truthful with God was one of the most important factors in completing my course. He told me that God had formed me and he knew all of my strengths and all of my faults, it was simply the movement of learning to fully rely on God for my everything. Along my journey I met this guy at my work place and he told me he had an experience very similar to mine and he said he was on fire for almost a year. He than proceeded to tell me; "just wait, it will soon fade out!" I was certain that the devil was trying to weaken my faith and I replied to him," that's not my hope". It has been almost 14 years now and thank the Lord, that fire of love is still burning in my soul!!! FYI, the company I worked for, less than 1 year later after I departed, sold to a huge company and 90% of my former co-workers were forced to find new jobs. Security in anything other than the true and living God is simply vain and unsure. God is no respecter of person, what he has done in my life, he can also do in yours. My hope could only be that God would keep me in the quest for Everlasting Life, and patient waiting for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. It could be only thought a bonus if God would so grant me to also share such an awesome hope with others!
